The Ratings*: Sports of the Winter Olympics
So the 2006 Winter Olympics are finally over. Canada won a record 24 medals, plus just missed on 11 more with 4th place finishes. Cindy Klassen won an impressive 5 medals. The men’s hockey team never clicked and made an early exit; the women’s team dominated everyone and was never challenged for the gold medal. Plus there were a whole lot of other events. I’m always sucked in by the Winter Olympics, but some sports command more of my interest than others. Now, for no reason at all, the sports of the Winter Olympics, rated:
Alpine Skiing. Depending on the event, this is something I might watch outside the Olys if I’m flipping through the channels on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Slalom seems way too technical, they never get up to enough speed to be highly entertaining. As it moves up to the giant slalom, the super G, and downhill it gets more entertaining, for sheer speed, that ‘on-the edge’ factor, and the train-wreck attraction when someone wipes out badly. Grades: Slalom: C, GS: C+, Super G: B, Downhill: A
Biathlon. Let’s see… cross country skiing, plus shooting. X-country is rated below on its own merits… thus the question is whether the addition of shooting makes it better or worse. I think the combination of events go together well enough, but I’m not big on shooting due to its use of an artificial propellant. Half mark deduction. If they used bows and arrows instead, that’d be a different story. Grade: C+
Bobsleigh. Who calls it bobsleigh? Europeans, evidently. Anyway, the bobsled is moderately interesting to watch, but the vehicle used seems to take over the event… you can’t see the athletes as they are all riding along in what appears to be a giant dildo. This moves it a notch down from the likes of luge and skeleton. Grade: C+
Cross Country Skiing. Seems like it should be boring. Comparatively slow moving compared to other Olympic sports. But having attempted it I can appreciate the difficulty in doing it especially at the pace they maintain, and I can say it actually produced some quite exciting finishes especially in the short distances. Bonus points for the athletic purity of it… kinda like distance running, but more entertaining. Grade: B
Curling. Often gets dumped on because of the lack of pure athleticism… I bet the curlers really stand out in the athlete’s village. Where else can a 50-year-old have a shot at playing, let alone winning gold? But there is at least some athleticism there, and the technical aspects make up for the lack of speed and strength. Still, I find watching the firsts and seconds throwing guards is a lot less interesting than the thirds and skips throwing draws and raises. Something I can have on and watch intermittently while doing something else. Grade: B+
Figure Skating. Is this even a sport? Yes, the competitors are athletic and there is skill and competition involved… but the judging still seems way too subjective and there is a lot of fluff (music, routines, costumes, make-up) that goes way beyond the technical elements, and indeed seems essential to the competition. Grade: F. Oh, and Ice Dancing? Take everything I said but scale back the athleticism. Grade: F-
Freestyle Skiing. Also a sport scored predominantly on judged points, but seems to have the fluff removed. Moguls also includes a speed element as well as form and jumps, and while aerials is judged on jumps (and landings) only, it looks pretty rigidly defined. I guess that’s OK. Points for style and the train wreck factor (though that Aussie aerials jumper blowing out her knee again only 7 months after reconstructive surgery – painful to watch). Grade: C+
Hockey. The official name at the olympics is “ice hockey”. That’s just silly. Anyway, the international game is a lot more entertaining than the NHL, for both men’s and women’s events, plus it’s just that much more exciting when it’s country versus country rather than one random group of Canadians, Americans and Europeans against another group of the same, ostensibly playing for different cities. Gotta love Olympic hockey, even when the men’s team bombs out. Grade: A+
Luge. Same sorta track event as the bobsled, but the participants are right out in the open. When they fall off, they get hurt. Even so, the feet-first attitude seems a little bit wussy when compared to the skeleton. Plus, in this sport, even if you win, you’re still a luger. Grade: B
Nordic Combined. Combined sports always seem a bit odd to me, but some of them can work if they flow together seamlessly. For example, biathlon, even though I don’t like the shooting aspect, it combines easily enough with skiing. Similarly, triathlon in the summer has three events run consecutively on a straight time basis – good fit. But other events, like decathlon, modern pentathlon (dumbest event ever, by the way), and nordic combined, just don’t fit. First of all, one event is based on points while the other is on time, and secondly, ski jumping plus cross-country skiing? Who though of this? Grade: D
Short Track Speed Skating. This is a cool event to watch. Four skaters at a time, on a ridiculously small track, zipping around at crazy speeds and jockeying for position the whole time. Crashes happen, but I cannot believe they don’t happen more, especially watching them take corners at what sems like an impossible angle to the ice. Relays are even crazier, particularly when all four teams are performing the push-off transfers at the same time in close proximity. Grades: Individual events: B+, Relay: A
Skeleton. The most balls-out of the ice track sports. Headfirst down the track on a tiny sled at ridiculous speeds. The next best thing to having an Olympic event for the Krazy Karpet. Grade: B+
Ski Jumping. Ridiculous. You have to wonder who came up with this. This seems like the most reckless and dangerous event conceived, yet I have never seem a mishap. Cool event to watch. But I gotta take points off for having too much attention to form. Flying 120+ metres through the air is pretty impressive, I don’t really care if they kept their skis straight or performed a telemark landing. Grade: B
Snowboard. Three different events here, made up of two races and one ‘style’ competition. The halfpipe competition is fun to watch, but way too stylistic. They can leave that one at the X Games. Parallel slalom is pretty good to watch and having it in pairs makes it that much more spectator friendly – it’s easier to see who’s winning, rather than watching the bottom corner for a split time to find out someone is 0.08 seconds off the lead or whatnot as they have in skiing. Snowboard Cross (an awkward name – just call it boarder cross like they say elsewhere) is one of the most entertaining events I saw this year – a great addition. Four people at a time going through a course filled with turns, bumps, dips, and jumps, lotsa chances for contact, lead changes, and wipeouts. Great addition to these Games. Grades: Halfpipe: C, Parallel slalom: B, Snowboard cross A+
Speed Skating. I always though of long-track speed skating as kinda boring, especially when compared to short track, but this year I realy got into it. Probably in no small part due to hometown girls Cindy Klassen and Clara Hughes putting in impressive performances. Seeing Klassen dominate the 1500 m and Hughes go for broke to claim the 5000 m were downright inspiring and had me on the edge of my seat. Also fun to watch was the newly added team pursuit – three racers per team, timed on the basis of when the last one crosses the line. Cool to watch as they skate in formation, then all break out into a straight line to cross the finish simultaneously. I’m starting to see what the Dutch like about this sport. Grade: A
* concept stolen shamelessly from Brunching Shuttlecocks, one of the great websites of days long past.
Alpine Skiing. Depending on the event, this is something I might watch outside the Olys if I’m flipping through the channels on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Slalom seems way too technical, they never get up to enough speed to be highly entertaining. As it moves up to the giant slalom, the super G, and downhill it gets more entertaining, for sheer speed, that ‘on-the edge’ factor, and the train-wreck attraction when someone wipes out badly. Grades: Slalom: C, GS: C+, Super G: B, Downhill: A
Biathlon. Let’s see… cross country skiing, plus shooting. X-country is rated below on its own merits… thus the question is whether the addition of shooting makes it better or worse. I think the combination of events go together well enough, but I’m not big on shooting due to its use of an artificial propellant. Half mark deduction. If they used bows and arrows instead, that’d be a different story. Grade: C+
Bobsleigh. Who calls it bobsleigh? Europeans, evidently. Anyway, the bobsled is moderately interesting to watch, but the vehicle used seems to take over the event… you can’t see the athletes as they are all riding along in what appears to be a giant dildo. This moves it a notch down from the likes of luge and skeleton. Grade: C+
Cross Country Skiing. Seems like it should be boring. Comparatively slow moving compared to other Olympic sports. But having attempted it I can appreciate the difficulty in doing it especially at the pace they maintain, and I can say it actually produced some quite exciting finishes especially in the short distances. Bonus points for the athletic purity of it… kinda like distance running, but more entertaining. Grade: B
Curling. Often gets dumped on because of the lack of pure athleticism… I bet the curlers really stand out in the athlete’s village. Where else can a 50-year-old have a shot at playing, let alone winning gold? But there is at least some athleticism there, and the technical aspects make up for the lack of speed and strength. Still, I find watching the firsts and seconds throwing guards is a lot less interesting than the thirds and skips throwing draws and raises. Something I can have on and watch intermittently while doing something else. Grade: B+
Figure Skating. Is this even a sport? Yes, the competitors are athletic and there is skill and competition involved… but the judging still seems way too subjective and there is a lot of fluff (music, routines, costumes, make-up) that goes way beyond the technical elements, and indeed seems essential to the competition. Grade: F. Oh, and Ice Dancing? Take everything I said but scale back the athleticism. Grade: F-
Freestyle Skiing. Also a sport scored predominantly on judged points, but seems to have the fluff removed. Moguls also includes a speed element as well as form and jumps, and while aerials is judged on jumps (and landings) only, it looks pretty rigidly defined. I guess that’s OK. Points for style and the train wreck factor (though that Aussie aerials jumper blowing out her knee again only 7 months after reconstructive surgery – painful to watch). Grade: C+
Hockey. The official name at the olympics is “ice hockey”. That’s just silly. Anyway, the international game is a lot more entertaining than the NHL, for both men’s and women’s events, plus it’s just that much more exciting when it’s country versus country rather than one random group of Canadians, Americans and Europeans against another group of the same, ostensibly playing for different cities. Gotta love Olympic hockey, even when the men’s team bombs out. Grade: A+
Luge. Same sorta track event as the bobsled, but the participants are right out in the open. When they fall off, they get hurt. Even so, the feet-first attitude seems a little bit wussy when compared to the skeleton. Plus, in this sport, even if you win, you’re still a luger. Grade: B
Nordic Combined. Combined sports always seem a bit odd to me, but some of them can work if they flow together seamlessly. For example, biathlon, even though I don’t like the shooting aspect, it combines easily enough with skiing. Similarly, triathlon in the summer has three events run consecutively on a straight time basis – good fit. But other events, like decathlon, modern pentathlon (dumbest event ever, by the way), and nordic combined, just don’t fit. First of all, one event is based on points while the other is on time, and secondly, ski jumping plus cross-country skiing? Who though of this? Grade: D
Short Track Speed Skating. This is a cool event to watch. Four skaters at a time, on a ridiculously small track, zipping around at crazy speeds and jockeying for position the whole time. Crashes happen, but I cannot believe they don’t happen more, especially watching them take corners at what sems like an impossible angle to the ice. Relays are even crazier, particularly when all four teams are performing the push-off transfers at the same time in close proximity. Grades: Individual events: B+, Relay: A
Skeleton. The most balls-out of the ice track sports. Headfirst down the track on a tiny sled at ridiculous speeds. The next best thing to having an Olympic event for the Krazy Karpet. Grade: B+
Ski Jumping. Ridiculous. You have to wonder who came up with this. This seems like the most reckless and dangerous event conceived, yet I have never seem a mishap. Cool event to watch. But I gotta take points off for having too much attention to form. Flying 120+ metres through the air is pretty impressive, I don’t really care if they kept their skis straight or performed a telemark landing. Grade: B
Snowboard. Three different events here, made up of two races and one ‘style’ competition. The halfpipe competition is fun to watch, but way too stylistic. They can leave that one at the X Games. Parallel slalom is pretty good to watch and having it in pairs makes it that much more spectator friendly – it’s easier to see who’s winning, rather than watching the bottom corner for a split time to find out someone is 0.08 seconds off the lead or whatnot as they have in skiing. Snowboard Cross (an awkward name – just call it boarder cross like they say elsewhere) is one of the most entertaining events I saw this year – a great addition. Four people at a time going through a course filled with turns, bumps, dips, and jumps, lotsa chances for contact, lead changes, and wipeouts. Great addition to these Games. Grades: Halfpipe: C, Parallel slalom: B, Snowboard cross A+
Speed Skating. I always though of long-track speed skating as kinda boring, especially when compared to short track, but this year I realy got into it. Probably in no small part due to hometown girls Cindy Klassen and Clara Hughes putting in impressive performances. Seeing Klassen dominate the 1500 m and Hughes go for broke to claim the 5000 m were downright inspiring and had me on the edge of my seat. Also fun to watch was the newly added team pursuit – three racers per team, timed on the basis of when the last one crosses the line. Cool to watch as they skate in formation, then all break out into a straight line to cross the finish simultaneously. I’m starting to see what the Dutch like about this sport. Grade: A
* concept stolen shamelessly from Brunching Shuttlecocks, one of the great websites of days long past.
posted by Druski at 7:29 p.m.
1 Comments:
let's not firget, in figure skating they don't wear uniforms. They wear 'costumes'. The only time an adult should wear a costume is if there's a stripper pole involved... not at an international sporting showcase.
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